Day 1

Hi everyone...and by everyone I mean most likely no one lol. Today really sucked. I mean, I did not do well at all. Things started out good. I woke up this morning and was about to go to ice skating, had my coat on and everything, when I got an email right before I walked out the door saying that class was cancelled because my teacher was stuck on her road in her car. I was thankful for class to be cancelled because I did not want to have to go out there right that minute. Plus, I had woken up late and hadn't had a chance to drink my juice that I had prepared the night before. So, I took the hour that I had to drink a few sips of the water I'm supposed to drink (purified water, lemon juice, and a dash of cayenne pepper). Only a few sips because it's definitely something that I'll have to get used to. Then I drank most of the juice I made (cucumbers, kale, romaine lettuce, pears, etc.) It wasn't so bad, just again, something that I have to get used to. It was supposed to fill me up and wake me up. Guess again. So as I sat there watching the movie Twins on HBO I started to get tired. I looked out the window and the parking lot of my apartment hadn't even been plowed. At one point I think I even saw the little plow for the sidewalks get stuck. I decided to use my last absence for aerobics. Luckily I can make up absences in that class because it's not even halfway through the semester yet and I can't miss any more. Anyways, then I sat there and of course got hungry because my mind could just wander and think about food. I am telling you I went through withdrawals. I was craving something, anything normal. Keyten had gotten me these chocolate peanut butter pretzel things for Valentine's Day and they were sitting in my room. I couldn't help it and I ate three of them. I had decided that I was going to eat whatever chocolate I had left in my apartment and start again tomorrow. I got in the shower then and thought about it and by then my withdrawals had passed of course because I had fed my addiction. I decided, no. I am going to stick to it. So I got out of the shower and decided to figure out my schedule for work so that I didn't have to go in today. Again, a bad decision because then I sat around all day. So I was watching more movies on HBO and again my withdrawal symptoms started up because I was thinking about how I was depriving myself of these terrible, but oh so yummy things. It was at this point that I finished off the bag of my pretzel things. I did however start to make the lunch that I was supposed to eat. I made a salad of baby spinach, cucumbers and pears. I never thought I would add fruit to a salad, ok I never thought I would eat salad, but it helped to hide the taste of the spinach. Let's get one thing straight...I hate veggies. That is the hardest thing about this because I hate most veggies. I have never been someone to want veggies. So changing my taste buds to like something that I have hated for 21 years is something that is going to take some time and forcing. Anyways, then I made this salad dressing made out of Tahini, lemon juice and water. I tasted it...not bad at first, then the taste really hit me and that was terrible. Plus, the smell is enough to make me want to puke. So..obviously no salad dressing was added. I did add lemon juice to it thought to add a bit of flavor to the spinach. I ended up eating some of the spinach but eating basically the cucumber and pear out of it. I was supposed to partially steam some broccoli, but that didn't happen. I then looked at what I was supposed to have for dinner, and surprise surprise another salad. I cannot eat salad for every meal. It is not me, and I cannot change that. So, while I am going to be mostly vegan, I have decided that I will allow myself fish. The farming practices of cows, chickens, and pigs have been shown to me through the book that I am reading, and it is really disgusting. I don't really want to be a part of that anymore. Fish however, I don't have a problem with lol. It is still not good for me, but I cannot give up all meat. Maybe eventually I can when I am more used to the salads and such, but for right now, fish is something that I can look forward to. For dinner I ended up making myself chicken noodle soup, with just chicken broth and noodles. Yes, I know that chicken broth is chicken, but it was something that I had here, and something that I was craving. I am an addict to terrible food. I am going to be going through some hard times in the coming days. I am throwing out everything that is open that will tempt me. I am also putting other terrible things in a bag to either give away or donate. I am starting again tomorrow and I will let you know how it goes. I need to change the way that I am for my health. I am on a terrible path and I am only 21. I need to change now or it is never going to happen. Well...that was today. Obviously terrible. But it will change tomorrow and hopefully I will be writing a much happier blog post. See you all tomorrow!